I believe I love the fact that this journal is dead. No one knows about it, nor do they remember I have it. I'm pretty much giving up on the shit that's been going on. It should have never started, but others have invaded and are trying to get me to change my ways. See, I'm werid when it comes to guys and relationships. I fall fast and that person never knows it. I fall out of it as fast it came and I move on. Apparently that's not good. My best friend doesn't like it when I don't give guys chances and that's true. I feel bad afterwards for a while, but I get over it because my brain can't hold onto something, or someone, that isn't in my life constantly. I say I'm weird. Well, there's a new guy and he's completely opposite. I rarely have men in my life that aren't my brother, father, uncle or cousin. I tend to shy from the opposite sex, even though I silently yern for someone to be at my side and put up with all my weirdness. When I say he's my opposite, I mean it. He's the type that I would usually stay away from or rarely talk to. It's the preppiness that I use to ignore and complain about. The beach bum guy that I wish I could be friends with, but figured, "what for? It's not like we'd have anything in common." I guess I was wrong. He was just a friend and he had a girlfriend. I didn't care and I always wondered why he never brought her around. I wouldn't have cared. I don't care for a lot of things or people. We started hanging out with one another and later on down the road, I started wondering why he was doing all these nice things for me. He left his girlfriend to hang out when I was around. He'd call me because he hasn't talked to me in a while. He texted me because he couldn't talk on the phone or just wanted to see how I was doing. He did all that and then come to hear... He likes me. He really likes. But he's with his girlfriend. I didn't know what to make of it. We hung out a few more times after 'confessing', but I guess things die down. It's been a week since I last saw him. In 2 more days, it'll be a week since I heard from him. See, I sent him a text that was especially towards him. He asked for one and I sent it. It was cheesy, but even it was ridiculous he would call or text the next day. But I haven't recieved one damn thing from him. I wrote to him on that God forbid MySpace and he read it, but I recieved nothing back. After sending that text, it makes me feel like I was an idiot for even trying to move things forward or wherever. See, this is why I don't give a fuck about relationships. I was so close to have a lot in my time, but I fuck it up before anything starts. I know I want one, but then again I can't deal with it some of the time. I'm so use to being independent and on my own. I'm use to being alone and depressed. It's how I grew up in my damn teenage life and this guy is making me see that I should stay there till something huge happens. I doubt anything will and I can keep dreaming. I don't know what to do anymore and friends are asking if he ever called/texted me yet. I reply with the same answer. They wonder if he's broken up with his girlfriend and I reply the same from the previous question. This is why I stay cold/stoned hearted. Friends and family have wondered what my deal was. They thought I was on drugs or just out of it. I am out of it and I'm not on drugs. I don't see the point in wasting your money on shit that's only going to fuck you up forever in the long run. I'm all ready a mess. I can do it on my own. So, as for my issues, I am the issue. My issues have issues and I don't want to deal with them anymore. I'm more than tired of it. All this seems to revolve around that guy and you know what? I doubt I'll be hearing from him soon. He'll text my cousin back and everything, but he won't with me. That shows me something right there. I'm fast with conclusions and that's one of my faults. I think ahead and it's usually about the worst case scenerios. I don't give a fuck anyway. I have school to worry about now. I have a French presentation that I have barely started. I need to finish my history text notes before tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m. I'd like to know why he hasn't bothered to simply text, but then again, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm just the friend that he likes. So I get no right other than the want to hang out with him. Next fucking bitch please.